I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
