she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
