Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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