There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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