you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This is the high leading the old right now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
