Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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