woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Help. Why am I so naked?
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