You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
