So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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