I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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