it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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