I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
