My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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