Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
