so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
