she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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