"it" just moved
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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