dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
