I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You were trust falling into bushes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
