Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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