You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
