I hate all girls vehemently.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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