I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
