Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Alive.
So much puke
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
