I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize