I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
