It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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