So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
