her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
