he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
