It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
