In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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