you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
