Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
