wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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