I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
