The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
