That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
