So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
did i just pee glitter
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
