Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want to stick my p in your. b.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
