Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
