Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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