I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
only you would photoshop your dick
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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