And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
