Duck Duck Cougar?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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