is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
