went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
