Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize