his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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