Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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