My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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