My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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