I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
