I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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