about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You took a bar mat shot.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
