you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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