U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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