I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
