i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
