Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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