it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
