I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
