is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
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I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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