He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
