WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
please come you make the beer taste better
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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