Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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