your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
