You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
