you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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