I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
